The diary of a worrier and the (constant) battle to believe in myself
I'm a worrier, always have been always will be. Join me as I prepare and psych myself up for something I'm really nervous about.
I’m writing this as a little experiment/coping exercise as I’m sat here typing this the day before I go and do a news insight placement at ITV Anglia. By the time you’re reading this I would have already completed it (eeeeeek).
I’m super excited to be visiting a new newsroom and learning about the world of broadcast news for the day. But any time I do anything new, I’m wracked with nerves. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve proven to myself that I can do whatever it is I’m worrying about, I can’t seem to switch off the thoughts of things going wrong.
When I worked as a journalist, I found myself worrying about my capabilities often. Any time I did any new story, I worried I wouldn’t get enough quotes or I wouldn’t get to speak to the really important person needed for the piece. I’d be thinking about it days before imagining that what if I only collated enough quotes for a paragraph or two leaving the page in the paper devastatingly blank.
I was worried at my first town council meeting and any subsequent important district council meetings. I was worried anytime I’d needed to fight with other news companies, ensuring that I get my story up swiftly and accurately. And I was worried when I went to any live event where I might not be able to control when I can pull someone for an interview. When I think back to these times though, I know that I was only thinking of the worst possible outcome. I wasn’t thinking about having a smooth experience.
But with all these situations, the worst never happened. There never has been a blank page in the paper. Even when I interviewed a 100-year-old war veteran and every time I asked him about his wartime experience he replied with ‘oh, it wasn’t that interesting’, I still wrote a hefty amount for an important section in the paper - so beat that worry!
Like I said in my London experience post, I have proven to myself too many times that I am able to cope in stressful or difficult situations to continue letting worry wrack my brain. So I’m going to try to let myself go into autopilot and know that I will do everything I need to do to well and succeed.
I will remind myself of all the times when I did accomplish what I needed to do.
I will think positively about the experience visiting ITV Anglia - all that I will learn, the people I will meet and the questions I will have answered.
And I will just think about the great day I will have and how proud I will feel.
So if you’re a worrier like me, you can apply all the things I mentioned about to the situation you’re worried about. And come next week, I will update how my news insight placement went and prove that it’s never as scary as you first think.
Until next time,
Tamika.